Working out your true values
What are values?
Our values are the things that are most important to us in life and work and include things like honesty, kindness, family, wealth, equality, growth, etc. We can all probably reel off a list of the things that are important to us without too much thought, but therein lies the problem: society and our culture has a clever way of making us think that we should value certain things, and that there is a right way to be living our lives, especially when it comes to finances and careers. We’ve seen the lists of things we ‘should’ have achieved by the age of 30, 40, 50, etc. We’ve probably all experienced that wave of FOMO followed by a strange and fleeting kind of relief once we convinced ourselves (or, actually realised) we didn’t want that thing anyway.
Why is it so important to understand your values?
It can be hard to cut through society's expectations of us but spending time working out your true values can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself, the way you’re living your life, and, ultimately, how fulfilled you are. Here are three things that understanding your values can help with.
You know you’re not happy but not sure why? Or, not sure what would make you happy? Working out your values can be the first step to figuring out why you’re unhappy, especially if you discover that the way you are currently working/living doesn’t align with your core beliefs. For example, if you realise that you value time with people you care about more than money, but you’ve spent the last few years chasing promotions that offer big financial rewards and leave you with little free time.
You know those tricky decisions where you nearly follow your heart/gut but instead opt for the safe / tried and tested / what everyone else does option … only to feel regret later? Knowing your values helps you feel more connected to what your heart/gut is telling you and helps you to make decisions that are right for YOU, particularly long-term decisions where it’s difficult to predict the future.
Not in a position to make any big decisions but considering your options? Understanding your values can help you prioritise your ‘to do’ list and where you focus your energy which in turn can prevent feelings of overwhelm and burnout. Sure, there’s always a massive ‘to do’ list, but what is the most valuable thing you can do with your limited time right now that will help you move forward?
How to work out your values and whether they align with current situation or future goals
This is big thinking but by breaking it down into a few smaller steps, you’ll be well on your way to having a better idea of your top values.
Think about examples from your life and work that made you feel happy, satisfied and proud.
What were you doing? Who were you with?
What was your contribution?
What was the outcome of the situation? For you? For the other person?
Have a look at a list of common values and see if you can find any links with what made you happy, satisfied or proud. There are plenty of lists online if you do a search (there are some in the word cloud image at the top of this post!). Write down the ones you identify with.
If you’re struggling to think of situations where you’ve thrived, think about situations where you’ve felt unhappy, unfulfilled or even ashamed. What were the key themes? What are the opposites of these themes?
Next, try to work out which ones on your list are MOST important, and if possible, come up with your top five. To do this, work through the full list, comparing them and thinking about which ones you wouldn’t compromise on.
Now you have your values, you can look at how they fit with your current situation. Make a list of the things in your life that align with your values and a list of things that conflict with your values. Any surprises?
Finally, repeat the above step with your future goals.
Now what?
Remember to come back to your lists when you’re making decisions. It might not always be possible to make choices that align with each of your values, but by keeping them in mind you’re more likely to feel confident that you are making decisions that are right for you. I recommend reviewing your values as often as you can because they change all the time as we move through life.
Good luck and happy decision-making!