Reframing negative thoughts
Setbacks and slumps are inevitable when we’re trying to build a creative life. Whether it’s a rejection letter, negative feedback, no feedback at all (tumbleweed…) or a prolonged period of self-doubt, we can feel devastated, hopeless, uninspired and on the verge of giving up. It’s tough when you’ve put all your energy into your journey and there’s yet another impenetrable brick wall in your way.
But don’t give up. Your creative path doesn’t have just one route. There are infinite options for your journey, and here’s where your creativity and brilliant imagination comes into it’s own, because you are an expert problem solver. That wall? What if it’s not blocking your path, but shielding you from a hidden danger and diverting you onto a better route? Or maybe, if you move closer, you see foot holes and even an old rope lying to the side that you can use as a hoist. The trick is to see something different, but first you need to think differently, and this is where reframing comes in.
What is reframing?
Reframing is a technique that helps us change our unhelpful thoughts around events and situations to give a different and more helpful perspective on our reality. The technique involves bringing our thoughts into a more conscious area of our minds so we can identify, challenge and then change them.
You can use the technique to work through the following scenarios:
Unhelpful thoughts or limiting beliefs (e.g. I’m not good enough at X, I can’t cope with Y, No one values ,y work)
Wishing your situation were different/better (e.g. I wish I had more money/space/support, etc.)
Problem solving and decision making (e.g. How to find time for myself / give the kids what they need / fit in work / pay bills, etc.)
Three things to know about our thoughts
1. We interpret events to give them meaning
Stuff happens. All the things that happen to us are part of life and therefore part of a bigger picture that isn’t really about us as individuals. But, in order to deal with life, we rightly assign meaning to this stuff as a way of interpreting what it means for us. Generally, if something happens that impacts our day to day life and makes it more challenging, we interpret it as a bad thing. But, because we do this interpreting off our own backs, it means we can interpret the event differently, if we choose to.
2. Our thoughts are formed from underlying beliefs, assumptions and unconscious bias
Our life experiences (especially early ones) form the basis of our hardwiring. We don’t have much control over our hardwiring. It’s linked to how we were parented and educated, but also to our culture and societal expectations. Our unconscious bias lives in everything we do, and, unfortunately because it’s unconscious, we don’t know it’s there. This makes it hard to move away from – but if we can raise awareness in ourselves that the way we think might not be the best thing for us, we can start to change our thoughts.
3. There’s positive intention behind every negative thought
And here’s some good news! Our negative thoughts are actually there to help us – they are telling us something we need to know. If we treat our negative thoughts as a friend rather than an enemy, we can work with them. This helps us avoid berating ourselves for having these negative thoughts in the first place.
How to reframe
I’ve put together a non-exhaustive list of questions to guide you through the process – pick the ones that feel relevant. It’s tricky to make a list that covers everything so it’s up to you to get creative and come up with your own questions too.
There are four steps
1. Identify the purpose of the thought (what the thought telling you):
What’s the problem that I’m facing?
What are my current beliefs about this problem?
What is the impact of this problem?
How does it make me feel?
How does it make me behave?
2. Challenge the thought:
What’s useful about the thought I’m having?
What’s unhelpful about the thought I’m having?
Am I making an assumption about my situation?
Do I have facts/evidence?
Am I sticking to a past idea/rule that could be challenged in the present situation?
What’s the impact of thinking this way? (e.g. what is it stopping me from doing?)
If my situation is temporary, does that change how I feel?
How will I feel about this situation a month/year from now?
Do I really have no control over the situation?
What do I know about myself and how I deal with situations like this?
3. Alternative perspectives:
Come up with as many different perspectives as you can, even if you don’t believe them (yet).
How else could I interpret this situation? Include extreme ideas.
How would I deal with this problem if I were…
Future me / past me?
Someone I admire?
What rules could I break?
What resources do I have within me to help solve this problem?
What other resources (information, people, practical or emotional support) do I have or can find?
What advice would I give to someone else? Why?
What advice would you want to hear from someone else? Why?
What have I done previously in a challenging situation that could help me now?
In an ideal world, what would solve this problem? If doing this isn’t possible, is there a halfway point? What about a small step towards it?
If I had a day to solve this problem, what would I do?
What am I learning (about the situation or about myself)?
4. Evaluate
When you’ve got a range of options, pick out the ones that make you feel good (or better). Then answer these questions to see if you’ve made progress.
What does this reframe give me, or allow me to do?
How do I feel now about my next steps?
What am I going to do first?
If it still doesn’t feel right, go back through the previous steps but this time pretend you’re doing the work for someone else. Keep trying. It takes practice.
Final word
You might be thinking ‘yeah, yeah, I know all this.’ And you do! “We all have wisdom within us,” said someone.
But knowing and actually doing are not the same thing. It’s worth taking time (offline!) to go through the exercise, either alone or with someone else, to see what a difference it makes. Just take one thought that keeps popping up and answer the questions.
Questions about reframing? Get in touch and ask away!